40: From Questions to Connection: Remmy Stouracs Journey to Authentic Living

Welcome back!

In this episode, meet Remmy Stourac—an inspiring force against mediocrity and regret, armed with the transformative power of gratitude. Remmy's journey is a testament to his unwavering spirit as a cancer survivor who has conquered life's most formidable challenges. He's not just a survivor; he's a river-crosser, a mountain climber, a horseback rider, and a master storyteller dedicated to magnifying gratitude and wholeheartedness in humanity.

Remmy's philosophy is simple yet profound: Life is too precious to settle for mediocrity and regret. He believes that every act of gratitude is a declaration against a life unlived. In his book, 'Compass of Connection: 100 Questions for Deeper Relationships,' Remmy presents a profound collection of questions that nudge you to explore your beliefs, values, fears, and dreams—the very essence of your being.

What's truly magical is that every uncertain or unsatisfying answer becomes an opportunity—an opportunity to dive deeper into your lifestyle and psyche, all in the pursuit of discovering your true self, your inherent value, and your unique place in the world.

This episode isn't just about Remmy's book; it's a journey into the heart and soul of a man dedicated to magnifying gratitude and wholeheartedness in humanity. Learn how each act of gratitude becomes a powerful step towards breaking free from the chains of mediocrity.

Discover the incredible truth that empowered individuals have the extraordinary ability to empower others. Remmy's story is a testament to the boundless potential within us all.

Join us for an inspirational conversation with Remmy, a reminder that life is a precious gift meant to be lived to the fullest. It's time to wage war against mediocrity and regret, one act of gratitude at a time, and empower ourselves to empower the world.

This episode is a poignant remembrance and dedication to Davis Wisener, Remmy's dear friend from childhood who valiantly faced the battle against cancer. Their friendship, filled with shared dreams and cherished memories, continues to inspire Remmy's mission.

Transcript

Cha'Lea: 1:48

Welcome back everyone. It's Shalia here. I am beyond thrilled to get into our conversation today as we explore the power of asking and exploring deep and thought provoking questions that help us better create alignment with our authentic stories. Explore what it is that we want in this chapter in our life, and into the next chapters that we are creating, and better understand some of the uncomfortable feelings that can arise. As we explore the profound questions that we will today and here to help me is a new friend of mine that I'm so excited to say that I met on the internet of all places, right? Two, 2023, where else Rimmy, what I want to do, and this is a little bit different for the style of podcast that we've done, this is gonna be more informal. I want the conversation to just flow in wherever we take it. We're, we're gonna do a brief intro on you and then we're also going to do some fun fire away questions. But before we get started,'cause I wanna go in a million directions with you and I wanna make sure that I slow it down'cause my brain can go so fast. It's, it's exciting. Let me ask you a question of all questions. When it comes to the episode. What is an intention that we wanna create for this episode?

Remmy: 3:04

Okay. Shaleah, thank you so much for having me. Yeah. I have been excited for this for weeks and weeks. Um, the intention of this, and it's so wonderful beyond the title, uh, exactly that the complex that we have, we are all leaders, and what it means to actually lead your own life and how to actually envision yourself as a whole person. Because there's three different complexes that we have, the public, the private, and the secret. We're constantly torn between these different versions of us, and if we can explore that fearlessly, either for ourselves and with other people, we can deepen relationships within instantly. Essentially. Like even when we kicked it off, like our hour flew by and we were hitting the deep stop like immediately, it was wonderful.

Cha'Lea: 3:50

It's gonna be even more exciting as we bridge for our audience that are listening today, what it looks like to use the foundation of asking questions to bridge an understanding of how do I incubate what matters most to me today? What does matter for me today? How do I listen to the call, to the adventure to evolve and to allow myself to go into experiences that push my comfort zone, that help me understand what are true values that I have, as opposed to, for example, subconscious values that we create through our story. How do we evolve our story? What does that look like? My intention with you today is I just wanna flow. I wanna flow and step back from the formality of the structure that we typically create. Let's play a little game here because some of our audience may not be aware of who you are and what you do. So, and just a fun little way to kind of learn more about what you do. If we were to bump, into each other at the supermarket of life, what would I find in your shopping cart that tells me more about what you do?

Remmy: 4:54

Ooh. Um, my first instinct of response, I don't wanna say survival food. Um, the survival food is definitely the wrong word.

Cha'Lea: 5:08

So we're at Costco,

Remmy: 5:10

where I call a hundred percent. It's almost exclusively where I go.

Cha'Lea: 5:12

I, yeah. Um,

Remmy: 5:14

But I treat my body like an engine. If I give it better fuel, then I get a better output. And so for the longest time it's like, you need to save money. And so that meant eating junk food or whatever, the cheap stuff, right? But it's like I'm changing my relationship and so no, I'm getting the higher quality food. I'm getting rich meats. I'm not afraid of the price tag because the feeling that I come home with is, uh, like, it's almost a spiritual, mental, emotional experience. It's like I have enough and I'm giving myself enough so I can produce more.

Cha'Lea: 5:47

Yeah.

Remmy: 5:48

He was, was supposed to look at my cart, I guess, and be like, wow. Like they're on a mission of some sort.

Cha'Lea: 5:53

That's right. Our body is a vessel in this adventure, and we have to treat it right. Okay. as a tradition on the show, we typically have some fire away questions to get to know you a little bit better. What are you curious about today?

Remmy: 6:07

Ooh, I'm always curious if, because you have a structure of sorts, but then we're like, we're gonna be in the flow. That's even better for me, um, because then people can see us like actually say ah, and um, and, you know, take the extra couple seconds. But if I can, yeah. Let the flow take us to a place where my curiosity in itself allows for that moments where you are finding more of yourself through my curiosity, if that makes sense.

Cha'Lea: 6:36

Yes, absolutely.

Remmy: 6:38

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 6:40

What is something that you'll never do?

Remmy: 6:42

That'll never do. Ooh,

Cha'Lea: 6:45

Ooh,

Remmy: 6:47

what is the quote? I think, uh, the biggest growth lessons you'll ever have is in doing the things that you'll say you'll never do. And I, so to answer that, I think, uh, I'd say I don't want to be the person who says I will never do something.'cause I want to have the full human experience. Now, I'm not gonna do hard drugs, let's say, like the easy stuff, moral stuff, per se. Um, but yeah, my, I think the answer I want to give is that

Cha'Lea: 7:14

is that

Remmy: 7:15

never, just never say never's way too corny. Um, but if I think I'm too good for something, it's now probably the important thing for me to do.

Cha'Lea: 7:22

to, what is an experience that you're seeking that is gonna help evolve a comfort zone that you have that shows up in your life today?

Remmy: 7:32

Ooh. Um, my birthday's coming up in like five days and I've now created like birthday to birthday goals. And if I give myself a whole year to do something, it goes from like nervous to getting better, to like effortless almost. And I have a big fear of performing musically and especially singing. And so I wanna have a better relationship with my voice because I feel like I'm getting really comfortable in speaking. But as for like genuinely expressing the capacity that my voice has in a more emotional way absolutely terrifies me. And so that's the next step for me, for sure.

Cha'Lea: 8:12

What do you think terrifies you about it?

Remmy: 8:16

Uh, ironically, I would say it's being heard,

Cha'Lea: 8:20

heard. Mm.

Remmy: 8:21

um, because it's always a volume issue that I've noticed. Um, because for like the vulnerable answer would be like, if you made too much noise or heard having too much fun as a kid, like that was like, you were about to be reprimanded, like tone down your joy essentially. And so that. Expression is almost the most direct way for me to crash through that exact sensation. That's like hardwired almost to say like, tone down your joy.

Cha'Lea: 8:48

joy. Mm.

Remmy: 8:50

And somebody said, music is the most, uh, all art aspires to what music does. And so everything is trying to captivate into a harmonizing of all these different elements where nothing matters. But being in that moment, it's not like, oh, the only important part of this song is the drop or the chorus. The whole buildup to that chorus is absolutely just as necessary as that. So that present moment is the aspiring of what music is for all art.

Cha'Lea: 9:17

all us. I noticed when we logged in, you were playing, is it the piano that you were playing?

Remmy: 9:22

Yeah. So I got this like six months ago, and now I used to just like sit here and twiddle and almost like build this anxiousness. And so now I'm like, oh, I have somewhere for my hands to be and I can't be. Board's the wrong word, but, um, it allows, uh, my sensations to just live differently and so I can explore and I'll be like even more in the moment. So I'm like, I don't have time to be nervous. I'm just like exploring the potential of like this new fear that I have essentially. And then if you come on and you catch me playing and it's like, oh no, this is what you literally were asking for Remy. Like, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to get caught. Being in the moment.

Cha'Lea: 10:01

Yes. It's beautiful that you're creating a space to explore that for yourself and to lean into it and to also have that awareness of knowing where some of the resistance comes from.

Remmy: 10:12

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 10:13

So that you can challenge yourself to go in the alignment of what you feel is true to you and naturally, you know, that doesn't feel true to you, to not be able to express your joy.

Remmy: 10:22

Yes, there's again, I'm just gonna be pulling quotes. That's just how my brain kind of works and I stem. Um, but the definition, I love the definition of the Latin, uh, root of words and desire is des, which means from the stars. And when see, people say, I want the stars to align. It means I want the cosmic powers to bestow something upon me. But desire, meaning like, oh, instead I can align the stars. That's how powerful we are. And so by me crashing through that fear, that's the equivalent of me aligning my own stars. And so desire was, uh, like a spiritual thing from the beginning.'cause we don't know where our wants come from. Initially. We can say, oh, our parents, and it was bestowed upon us experientially. But then it's like, why have I never. Lived close to the ocean, but I have such a yearning to deep sea dive or something to be just amidst of new chaos that I have no actual concept of. Right. And so these desires as I find it to be a very spiritual, uh, experience.

Cha'Lea: 11:25

It is and our ability to be able to go after them. So if you

Remmy: 11:28

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 11:28

have a desire to be close to the ocean, would you be willing to go closer to the ocean to explore it?

Remmy: 11:34

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 11:35

Yeah.

Remmy: 11:35

The e especially as like a cowboy by nature, it's like almost the opposite. Like, I can handle the wilderness, but that's the absolute epitome of a wilderness where I can't ride a horse, I can't bring my gun, you know? And so everything that I have as a safety net doesn't exist in that capacity. And so I actually have to build a new courage just to be in that area.

Cha'Lea: 12:00

Remi, I wanna pick your brain. Since you have been so eloquent and thoughtful in your approach to asking stimulating questions, when I think about. Asking you about what it is that you do, your bio, in essence, I wanna find a different way to approach that question because we're not our work, right? But we, we do have opportunities to illuminate some of what we want to create within this lifetime through our work. How can I create a more stimulating question that allows us to get to the heart of why we do what we do, as opposed to, what's your title? Tell me the fancy stuff, make it sound good. But really at the heart of why do you do what you do, what inspires that?

Remmy: 12:48

oh, um, I just finished this book called Lost Connections, and it's the most extensive deep dive on.

Cha'Lea: 12:55

dive on,

Remmy: 12:57

Overcoming depression and the science on antidepressants and stuff. But what that immediate immediately made me think of is that we are asking the wrong questions to people who do find themselves depressed when they go to the doctor. We say, what's wrong with you? Or What's the matter with you? Instead of asking what matters to you. And so I can't imagine going to the doctor and saying, oh, things aren't really good right now. Can you supplement me something? And they say What matters to you? And just deer in the headlights. Right? How often are people asked that at home, let alone why the time it feels too late. Um, and now you're looking for help, right? In a substance or anything like that. And so, yeah, if I could just say like, what matters to me, I think that would slowly expand into everything that I am. Because if I say, here's my value, it's like, okay, how do you live it out?

Cha'Lea: 13:53

it up? Yeah,

Remmy: 13:54

You can talk about it, but what are you doing? And then it becomes that integrity into juror. The, the root meaning of the word is to be whole is your integrity. Saying and doing the exact same thing.

Cha'Lea: 14:05

thing.

Remmy: 14:06

And any space that is dividing those two things is where you are not whole. And so I think that's the, yeah. Beyond our title is what keeps us whole and all these things that are making me exaggerate the stories that I'm saying. It's like, is my own story not good enough to tell? Do I have to inflate the details just to get, Just to get a head nod from you, right? Is that like a weird little, like anxiety underneath that I've predetermined before I actually even came to you with a story I've decided myself as, uh, inadequate prior to. So the story is different than the truth, right?

Cha'Lea: 14:47

Right.

Remmy: 14:48

And so all these tiny little ways that, uh, the lack of wholeness manifests. So what matters to you? Yeah, absolutely. And if you were living that out, if what I say I want, what I'm doing is the same thing.

Cha'Lea: 15:01

How did you discover what matters to you?

Remmy: 15:05

Uh, trial and error. Uh, I think the childlike curiosity is probably the most important element of me being an adult, uh, when we're going through the education system and it's about being right or wrong. It's this thing that's embedded into us. Whereas like, it's not right or wrong. It's like,

Cha'Lea: 15:30

uh,

Remmy: 15:30

lesson or redirection, or, ah, it's a little bit different than that. Or you are right. Or it's a redirection of sorts. Just because like what, uh, Tesla messed up the light bulb 10,000 times. It's not failure. That's not a fact. It's redirection. Redirection over and over and over until you get bored with it. Fine. Totally. Start over. You're free to do that too. Um, but if you can have that comfort and curiosity is the win, the courage to be curious, then I'm playing a different game.

Cha'Lea: 15:59

Yes.

Remmy: 16:00

And so to live a life of Yeah, that curiosity in everything, even asking questions like what you're doing here feels like, uh, I'm gonna say it quite often, but a spiritual experience where that enthusiasm comes out. And I'm so invested in what you're saying to me, and I wanna give something of substance that can pick people's brain. Oh my gosh. Like if I can just look at the world a different way, I can act a different way. Right? Um, going from right or wrong to being like, uh, curiosity is the goal and messing it up with a good attitude. I can win that every single day. Right? But if I'm looking for a win fail, then you can chalk up loss, loss, loss, loss, loss over and over, right? And anybody can look into their past and it's gonna be massively failures. That's how everybody stumbles into the future. Everybody, even ev

Cha'Lea: 16:48

like it's how

Remmy: 16:50

everybody that you admire, absolutely. Baby legs, the, the muscles aren't even formed yet. And it's the fact that you are stumbling, that builds a strength and everybody overlooks that. I think,

Cha'Lea: 17:02

When it comes to your story, what matters most to you?

Remmy: 17:06

oh, that's, you got me because I'm, I'm used to telling such an expansive story and because you've heard it, you know, it's like 10 plus minutes. Um, but what matters most to me is trying to embody my human potential and trying to be as truthful and courageous as humanly possible with the best attitude I possibly can. Knowing that if I'm being as truthful and courageous, I'm almost constantly going to be afraid because I can't be courageous without the fear. And so if I can just value living a story worthy life more than my own comfort. Then I'll find the proper inspiration. I am more inspired to not be a coward than I am to not show up for this moment. Right? And so it's almost like a negative inspiration in a sense, but that's what I'm gonna tell myself after anyways. So I know the aftermath already, right?

Cha'Lea: 18:06

right?

Remmy: 18:07

And so I'm like, I'm, I know I'm narrating my story. Am I living a story worthy life?

Cha'Lea: 18:11

Yes.

Remmy: 18:12

Doing that step by step by step. And I know I will immediately hold myself accountable and be like, you know, you could have, you could have said, hi, how scary is that? Are you really? And you know, then it becomes like a quite aggressive, like, oh, are you too small to say hello? And stuff like that, right? It's like, okay, go back to the narrative. Like what's the proper inspiration? Um, because eventually you do have to just throw yourself into a moment because there's no amount of cognitive processing that will equip me for whatever question you could possibly give me, right? There's only so much preparation. But if you ask, be a good one, like you just did what, uh, matters to me, I'm like, ugh.

Cha'Lea: 18:46

like,

Remmy: 18:48

think

Cha'Lea: 18:49

right. So much, so much. Here's the thing. Someone like you comes on who is very insightful about your journey and the experiences that you've had and where you're going and working towards always coming back home to your essence when others hear you speaking. And just to kind of give a little bit of backstory in how Remy and I met again, it was through TikTok. He has a series. If you haven't already checked it out, check it out. Go check it out. It is wonderful. I'm telling you. When I watch your TikTok, I have my pen and paper and I'm pausing and repeating and watching and taking notes, and then it's, I love it. It's so many great insightful questions that really help you dive into your inner compass, and better understand where it is that you wanna go with those questions. You do it so effortlessly. And so Ian and I got together and we were talking about what kind of conversation we wanted to have when it comes to these stimulating questions and what it invoked in us and what it's invoking in others.'cause you are invoking some wonderful experiences and others who are part of watching your series. But there's two into the spectrum. And we were thinking about people's experiences when it comes to questions. Questions in general, but more specifically in this regard, profound, deep, soulful questions that sometimes shake us to our core. That make us question life, explore other possibilities, and maybe even create some very uncomfortable and awkward moments within ourselves as we reason with uncertainty sometimes and unknown. Some of us get really excited at the idea of these questions, like love it, and others feel like I don't even know what to say and I wouldn't even want to ask somebody because I would be terrified of what they would want of me if they asked the question back.

Remmy: 20:35

For sure.

Cha'Lea: 20:37

So when it comes to questions, what's your thought process when it comes to questions and how we use them to create more powerful connections within our story and connecting with others?

Remmy: 20:49

I have some rules. Okay. First I have to say thank you because it means so much to say that like you're there with a pen and paper, because I think some of the most profound moments was being in a room listening to somebody I. And, you know, maybe they talk for a whole hour, but then there was one sentence that's like, oh, I just need to sit in this and absorb why this affected my spirit so much. And so for you to say that I have some noteworthy things to say, that means so much to me. Um, but yeah, and, uh, as exploring questions with those people who are so excited and people who are just become a ghost in the sense of like, where do I begin? I have rules in this. Again, almost like I would rather not be a coward than try to be courageous. It's more inspiring for me to tell myself that I'm more afraid of being a coward. So there's like some negative inspiration. Some people are more positively inspired, um, but

Cha'Lea: 21:52

as

Remmy: 21:54

as they were doing these questions, if there's things that I've been afraid of myself, Then it's almost like an entire portion of reality is blocked off. And if I stay afraid of a question, then I am the reason a part of the human experience doesn't exist. And so let's say I'm afraid of, I've been wronged in a bunch of relationships, and so I just don't want to talk about how I've been wronged. Um, and so I'm just considering it a fact that women are just out to hurt me or something like that, right? Just make an extremely bold statement when people say, men are this or women are that. Um, and they've just declared as a fact and they're created their reality for the rest of time that things are gonna be this way. But then it goes back to that childlike curiosity. Do I trust somebody enough to change my experience for me? Do I want this to be the story for the rest of my life? If I'm constantly writing my book? Is this the last sentence I'm ever gonna write on this specific thing? And then if somebody's gonna come to like my gravestone or anything like this, and they're gonna share that story, it's like this person wanted his memory to be like, this fact their pain was a fact. Do I want to put forefront my joys, my pains again? Like what matters to you? Um, yeah. Back to the question so I'm like, ah, so much.

Cha'Lea: 23:13

So many different directions. Yeah.

Remmy: 23:16

I'll just go ahead. Go ahead.

Cha'Lea: 23:18

ahead. Yeah,

Remmy: 23:19

home.

Cha'Lea: 23:19

yeah. Okay. So I, I think that when somebody has a perspective like you do, the idea that you can play in the pool of curiosity and trust is a beautiful and magical aspect of the journey, but it is one that is hard earned through experiences that we have lived in life because this human experience, while I believe in the magic of the adventure, there also is realities of the human experience that we have to come to face with, and complexities that we have to, that we have to lead, that sometimes create these shifts in perspectives that allow us to continue to ascend towards what we believe is true to ourselves. I'm curious because I want the audience to learn more about your personal journey, your story, and what's influenced you to think and feel the way that you do today to create that shift in perspective and fuel the journey that you have ahead of you. So to help break that question down. I want you to think about breaking up your life up to this point into three chapters and give each one a title and then let's explore each of those chapters, what you've learned about yourself as you continue to evolve.

Remmy: 24:28

Okay. Full transparency. I appreciate so much that you helped preface this one question because it took me like three days and me being a writer, I'm like, chapter titles are the most provocative thing and I need it to be right. And so,

Cha'Lea: 24:42

So,

Remmy: 24:44

I'm coming into like a more poetic side, and so I'm like, I need it to flow in a sense even because three chapters, man, life is so much bigger than three chapters. But that's the question. That's the rules. I'm playing your game,

Cha'Lea: 24:56

game, that's the game gotta play by the rules.

Remmy: 24:59

And so I came up with my three chapters, which would be surprise, surrender, and Serendipities.

Cha'Lea: 25:09

Okay. Give us a timeline. What was, how old were you in the surprise?

Remmy: 25:14

I would say. I would say like beginning or age four up until 21 is surprise.

Cha'Lea: 25:23

surrender.

Remmy: 25:24

Surrender would be like 20, 21 to About 24.

Cha'Lea: 25:29

That was four years. But it sounds like that was a big chapter in a short time. Correct. And serendipity is

Remmy: 25:37

And, and Serendipities is then until, yeah, the present

Cha'Lea: 25:40

present for sure. Okay, so take us into surprise. Why? Surprise.

Remmy: 25:45

I had say surprise. I kind of dumbed it down almost. Now I'm just thinking about this accidentally. I think I put it into like the hero's journey of you are bestowed into a world. Things are a certain way, you see a problem. And the hero's journey is that you have to extract yourself from normalcy to become the solution to the problem. But as you become the solution, you have to get your ass whooped you. And so the surprise is the world that I was brought into and being a cancer survivor, um, and being diagnosed at the age of four. And for a super quick version of this story, uh, it wasn't until I was 20 that my mom was able to tell me that my bloodstream was 95% cancer cells when I was diagnosed, and I had 24 hours to live if I didn't get a blood transfusion. And so bone marrow transplants and all these blood transfusions later, Um, and three heart procedures and three and a half years of chemotherapy later, I am as healthy as can be. And I get to say that's the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me because a nurse told my mother about kids' Cancer Care Camp Kindle, which is a camp where a nonprofit helps, uh, survivors and siblings age seven to 17 get to be kids again. And so I got to be there from the youngest age seven, and my best friends were double brain tumor survivors, amputees, uh, blind in one eye. Um, and it just put my gratitude into perspective that like, wow, even though the world is looking at me and saying like, oh, that's the worst thing ever. I'm like, I'm surrounded by people who had it worse and they're the happiest people I know. What is the psychology behind this? How is this possible? And so every time I went to this camp, I. Uh, I had to become mature so quickly because the main focus wasn't about play. It was like, make sure you're healthy. Your immune system is the most important conversation all the time. And I was wearing a mask before it was cool. Um, the having to see this world where survivors get to celebrate their scars, it wasn't something that made you different. It's now the thing that you are bigger than. And cancer was just this terrible or terrifying word to have, vast part of the community. And getting to see this was only about a week of the summer. And so every year I would circulate and I was like, I cannot wait to get back to this place where I just get to witness all these people and these kids cracking, open their shell and, um, defying the odds. Like I saw my friend, uh, who already had cerebral palsy, had a brain tumor, um, and in that operation to get rid of it, he became paralyzed from the waist down, was told he would never walk again. And then three and a half years later we're at camp together doing this time to remember, which is everybody's kind of sharing their story and you know, saying so grateful to be here and stuff. And just having that opportunity to have conversations like we're having now and just like, okay, we're playing, but we're also here for a very profound reason. And this is a time where you can just flesh out your feelings. And as we're going around this circle, there's like 11 or 12 of us and, uh, this guy, Corbin, I think he was 15, 16 at the time, I see his toe wiggle for the first time in three and a half years. And by the end of this week, two days later, he pushes himself out of the wheelchair and falls into his mom's arms. And so I was a counselor for the first time at this point, at the age of 18, full-time giving, uh, my summers back. I'm like, I don't care if I am working 10 months a year. Like this is my heart and soul. Like I am so good at. Bringing the charisma, the safety, and the curiosity to these kids who've kind of been hardened by life and bringing that zest and that joy and showing that them, that like adults can be the happiest goofiest people in the room. And that's what value is. It's not money. Right? And you can bring that everywhere.

Cha'Lea: 29:39

everywhere.

Remmy: 29:41

And, uh, then my brothers, as we're pushing into like the end of surprise things that I wasn't in control of, like this life was being bestowed upon me in these adventures, me and all my friends promised, uh, because we had some friends, uh, friend Davis who I tried to remember and pay homage to every chance I can. He had the same cancer leukemia that I did, and he survived it about the same time I did. But when we were 11, we all gave each other our mom's phone numbers. Like, Hey, like, make sure you end up at this week and stuff. And it was all aligned. We get off the buses and we're like, oh, like we're all here. And Davis didn't show up and the younger sister, Jesse, who was nine, had to tell us that Davis relapsed and he wasn't here with us anymore. And so all these 11 year old kids are having survivor's guilt. Right. And I don't want,

Cha'Lea: 30:33

have goosebumps

Remmy: 30:35

I don't wanna say me especially, but it was because I had the same cancer that there was this,

Cha'Lea: 30:42

was this, of

Remmy: 30:43

of course, 11 year old kid can't say I'm having a spiritual experience, but it's like, why could it possibly be that? Am I more important than Davis? I don't wanna say this out loud, but I'm here and he's not. Right? And so what is this chance to start having like these like screw you God, and like these things, right? But it's like, oh, I'm so lucky to be around these people where we could make the promise we have to live twice as much life because David can't, David can't. Right. And so fast forward to this summer where I'm like, this is my jam. Like I'm so valuable here. I just get to celebrate other people. And I've gone from being this insecure teenager to being in my prime where it's not about me and I can be a man of service and it's not about the money. And it's like, this is the life I wanna be in. Like I just wanna, I don't care what the price is, like this is what I'm meant for. And so I got the first taste in that, but I was like, I will pay the price if it's 10 months of work every single year to come back and keep doing this. But then my old two older brothers

Cha'Lea: 31:39

older brothers

Remmy: 31:40

offered for us to be the first horseback guides in the Northwest Territories in 40 years, because 40 years ago, four guys tried to do it, and two of them got caught in blizzard and died. And all the 18 horses they had got left in the wilderness and the other two got medevaced out. And so they're like, let's do it.

Cha'Lea: 31:57

do it.

Remmy: 31:59

And so, uh, me and my brothers like, rose to the occasion. I'm like, okay, well, I. I promised these kids that I would come back, but I also promised my friends in Davis that like, if there was an adventure, I had to rise to the occasion and it scared me, right? So I'm like, okay, like this will never be bestowed upon me again. So I have to rise to this occasion. And so I missed kids' cancer care for the first time in 13 years to go do this.

Cha'Lea: 32:23

do this.

Remmy: 32:24

And it broke my heart basically immediately, because I'm like, I'm not being of service here. I'm just getting my butt whooped by these horses. Where like, in all these crazy experiences, I had standoffs with grizzlies, I was surrounded by wolves, I was swept down glacier rivers, I borderline hypothermic. Uh, just doing these exotic cons, like literally paving down the airstrips in this land that hasn't been touched in over four decades, and calling these coordinates to our guy in a bush plane and be like, touch down here, man, has not been here yet.

Cha'Lea: 32:58

been here yet.

Remmy: 32:59

And so there's a glamor aspect to it, and it was my brother's dreams. But then I'm there being like, I miss camp, I miss camp, I miss camp. How can I break my arm or my leg in the least painful way so I can get out of here and go be of service? And so I was so bitter to be in this different environment where it's like, I don't feel like I'm being of value even though I'm having this glamorous experience. And everyone would say like, wow, like big game horseback guide. How crazy. Right? And it's like, it, it almost felt like being a celebrity in a sense because it's like a thing that's so foreign in this world now to like have a job or anything like that. And people were treating me like that. And so it kind of created an ego complex that I had to take on by default of my insecurity that I betrayed what was most important to me to go make money and do the family thing,

Cha'Lea: 33:47

handling thing.

Remmy: 33:48

right? And so I, I realized when I came home getting to the end of this surprise chapter that.

Cha'Lea: 33:57

that

Remmy: 33:58

The most grateful I had ever been was when I was the most terrified I'd ever been. And I came to this conclusion out there when maybe 30 days into this like 110 day off-grid season, where I just was like, had the darkest thoughts I'd probably almost ever had. Um, like, how can I break my arm or my leg in the least painful way so I can get medevaced out of here? Like, screw my brothers. I wanna go be somewhere where I'm appreciated and loved and I can go and love and appreciate others. Um, but then I just had this moment where I'm like, I didn't come here to die and I can be sustained off of this one thought I didn't come this far. Like, uh, again, back to Davis and like there's a weird reason that I'm here and I have to live with a certain amount of audacity that I am meant for a story worthy life. But the story worthy thing would be like, oh, I would have to have the guilt that I actually did break my arm or my leg in a way so I could abandon my brothers. Right? It's like, no, you came this far

Cha'Lea: 34:53

this far

Remmy: 34:54

figured out. Uh, survive it. And somebody of all things who is a very spiritual woman, before the day that I left, she's like, I've had this spiritual experience where I haven't read these books on my shelf, but God's telling me to give you this book. And she, and the title of it says, God, thank you for the experience. Send somebody else was the title of it.

Cha'Lea: 35:14

the title of it.

Remmy: 35:15

And so,

Cha'Lea: 35:16

Wow.

Remmy: 35:17

and so I read that book and I think by the time I finished that, that's when I had the, I didn't come here to die. And so that was, that moment in itself, like that woman was something that bestowed itself upon me. Once again, I didn't ask for any of these things. It's like, God told me do this. I'm like, I trust you. You know how freaky.

Cha'Lea: 35:34

How,

Remmy: 35:36

um, but yeah. So I would think I would finalize that surprise. It's like, okay, here's a life that's been bestowed upon me. Um, but yeah. I'll let you, I'll end that. There

Cha'Lea: 35:46

wow. That's a big chapter. That's a lot to happen from four to 21, going through cancer, going through traumatic surgeries and hospital experiences that aren't any fun. Losing a dear friend and, and his name was Davis. Is that what was Davis's? Uh,

Remmy: 36:06

Davis Wisener.

Cha'Lea: 36:08

Wise Davis Wisener. We'll dedicate this podcast to

Remmy: 36:11

let's go. I,

Cha'Lea: 36:14

That is a lot to take on as still a child, right? And developing your identity and who you are. What do you think you came out of that chapter having to unlearn in your surrender chapter? That

Remmy: 36:32

being, that life would continue to bestow story worthy life to me, that life would give me other versions of kid cancer care, or that I would find other friends who'd be like, wow, I love you so much. Here's a. Job that you didn't ask for, or besides your childhood may or may not be qualified for, figured out as you go. Um, when I, the surrender was vastly around undoing that ego complex where it's like, okay, life just keeps providing. Every time I'm lazy for an extended amount of time, I'm just in the middle of being a kid who's having like his drinking habits and stuff. Eventually someone will come and say, dude, you're great. Let's go on an adventure. Uh, but then that stopped and I was so guilt ridden when I came back from my first season of guiding that I was like, I need to make my life worthwhile because even though I'm getting these like ego pumps about being a big game guide, I'm like, it's not what matters to me. I wanna talk about kids' cancer care and be somebody of service. But now I'm just in this position that like, as much as it taught me about resilience and like overcoming and my capacity is so much deeper than what my mind is just telling me,

Cha'Lea: 37:44

Um,

Remmy: 37:44

um,

Cha'Lea: 37:46

I

Remmy: 37:46

I wanted to become somebody that I respected. And I was so torn in that capacity because I'm like, okay, I want people to like me and I want to tell these big game guiding stories. Um, but then nobody knew how to ask me about kids cancer care or, you know, talk about emotional intelligence and things that I had an inkling towards. But people weren't living that service-based life or that leadership stuff. They're like, I'm just trying to figure out how to make money and stuff. Right?

Cha'Lea: 38:11

And

Remmy: 38:11

so as it continued, and I was like, I need to be around people who aren't just like at kids' cancer care, but living philanthropy as a livelihood. And I got surrounded by like John Maxwell's inner circle of leaders who are doing philanthropy and funding surgeries all over the world and have more than they have. And so it's just giving beyond their capacity, but they're not just like rich. They like have wonderful marriages. And that was the first time I ever saw husbands and wives having like,

Cha'Lea: 38:38

like,

Remmy: 38:39

uh, Exposing not exposing vulnerable conversations in a public space, intentionally saying, here's where we messed up. I am so overjoyed to have an opportunity to be a cautionary tale so you can do even better. So this year of struggling with my wife and reading these 10 books, there's something, here's the the, the absolute soul shattering concept that actually made me humble enough to change, because I wanna win my wife. I don't wanna win my ego and all these different things. And so I'm like, okay, I wanna be somebody who is of service, but as I'm trying to become this person, I'm like, I'm just so riddled with all these insecurities, but I'm masking it with this. Like, oh, he's a big game horseback guide. He must be courageous. He killed a bear in self-defense. And people love that stuff, but it's like, man, but it's not saving lives. It's not helping people have better relationships. And so when it comes to like these questions, it was people who were asking me things that I had never had the capacity for, people that didn't have the curiosity to be like, Are you happy in yourself? People like, oh, what's these stories? And they would just go onto the momentum that was served them. But when it came to like, oh, but are you even proud of these experiences? It's the ego that comes up. It's like, well, I'm telling you this way because I'm already getting all these dopamine pumps, so I'm just gonna go for the ride. Um, but when people say like, what's next? And I don't know, they don't hold space, they're like, nah, I'm sure it's just gonna be the same thing. And they just like kind of make an assumption of me as like, okay, well I think, I think it's safer to have them assume that I'm this courageous person rather than tell them I'm terrified of what's next because I haven't figured it out yet. I haven't figured out how to be a man of service or that I'm trying to overcome addiction of drinking and pornography and all these things that make me feel incapable of being somebody of service.'cause how can I go say, here's what's happiness is if I am not a happy person myself. And so I thank God every, sorry. I, yeah, I just like. Grateful every day that I was surrounded and stumbled upon these people who romanticized vulnerability in a way where it's like if you go and pursue your own soul, by default, you will find all the pieces that bring it back together.

Cha'Lea: 40:54

and the people.

Remmy: 40:55

Yeah. Correct.

Cha'Lea: 40:56

people that you'll attract on your journey. You know, it's interesting hearing you say that because as I think about my journey growing up, it was people who could also be very vulnerable and authentic with the rawness of, what it was like to be a human. The fact that I have triggers that I have coping mechanisms, I don't always put the cart back at Publix. I get irate sometimes. I have bad days. I don't know what I'm gonna do within my next five years of life. But, but, and, and I'm still a human and I still believe in the ability for me to try to create the life that I want, but to also hold space for the complexities to coexist with the rawness and the magic of the adventure. How do we hold space for two things? Because you have the traps of personal development, even to some aspects, some, some components of leadership development. There's the traps of toxic positivity, Where the idea of leadership can be romanticized, where it's just do it. Be a good person. Always have the right answers. But that reality is that's not who we are as people. We don't come with a guide, when we come out of being 18 and we step into being adults to unlearn and rewire the parts of us that were imposed through societal norms or through ways in which we learned, through our experiences that no longer serve us. And when people can speak on the rawness of their experience, like what you said, the fact that you were struggling with addiction and that you are trying to overcome aspects of you that you learn no longer served you. There's beauty in that. There is beauty because that's what it is to be a human. That's what it is. That's going to inspire the next man who is undoubtedly gonna experience the same thing, whether it's a man or a woman who has gone through that same path, they need to hear that other people have reckoned with this in their life. And can hold space while they're creating more.

Remmy: 42:48

There's a, when you're saying that difference of being a product of the life that you came up in, I wrote at the bottom of these lines of like things that I'm like, feel like a must As I share this, the question is, are you a product of others' wishes or your true self-exploration?

Cha'Lea: 43:03

Oh, I love that. Whew. It depends. What chapter of my life are you speaking about? Because undoubtedly, I think the idea that I'd like to have, that I'd like to believe is that, it's an expression of my own exploration. But the truth is that a big component of it in the beginning was what I thought I was supposed to do because of how I was programmed growing up. Right? We develop a normalcy in how life functions based on our environment. My environment was chaotic and for me, it wasn't so much that I. Dove deep into the chaoticness of it. I swung the pendulum all the way to the other side of the spectrum where decisions and behaviors and mindsets were being formed out of a fear-based mindset, out of a scarcity mindset. And that is not where the essence shine. That is not true to what it is to be in my divine essence. And it creates resistance. And so there was a lot of components that came out of duty, out of programming, out of unconsciousness, out of fear, out of coping mechanisms that I've had to work to unravel and to really sit with the uncomfortable truths of what it feels like where you wanna go, take a bath and just wipe it all away because it's like, ugh, it's the truth. But I have to sit with it and it doesn't feel right. But I'd rather front load. Those truths anytime if it means I'm gonna feel uncomfortable, I'm gonna feel awkward, if I'm gonna feel small, I want it more than anything, so that I can hold it feel into it, and be able to unravel it, and then create what is true to my essence. Now, today, I am more closer than ever in exploring what is in my authentic self, but it's still a practice, right? Because when we have adversity in life and we go through traumatic events, And we're working towards healing those belief systems and the actions that are created from that. They don't just pop pop away ever in life, because all it takes is doing something that creates fear, doubt, and uncertainty, which is everything that involves being courageous and evolving and going after new things. And so the moment that we start to go into new environments and we're faced with new stories to create, and we're doing things that we don't feel competent and secure, and it's going to evoke at a certain level of stress and uncomfortability that trigger, and we're gonna go back into that tunnel, we have the ability to reduce the impact that it creates and attune to it better each and every time, but it never fully disappears. And when we can learn to have a relationship with it, then we can learn to attune to it and reduce the impact that it creates in the lives of the people that are all around us.

Remmy: 45:41

Yes. The, as you're saying, all of this, the one quote that I want to express is that our fear is the sharpest definition of who we are. Because we can say, I can do this, I can do that, I can do that. Yes, you can literally do all these things, but where you stop is the most realistic definition

Cha'Lea: 45:59

Yeah.

Remmy: 46:00

because you are limited potential. But where you stop yourself is the honest answer. Right? And so if I continue to crash through, then I create this own identity of limitlessness because I refuse to be defined by the fear. And so then you kind of just like almost start buzzing why? It's like, okay, well if I can do this once, what if I can keep doing it over and over and over? Because otherwise I am creating the facts. But I, it's, it is a factless life in a major way, right? I don't want people to draw conclusions about me. Oh, good. I'll have to reintroduce myself every six months. Good luck keeping up, you know.

Cha'Lea: 46:35

help. Yeah, I love going into network settings and being able to play with the introductions of who you are and allowing to see what comes of that. Because if people can find humanness in me, then they find the essence of their path

Remmy: 46:57

no kidding. Uh, with the, that network networking aspect, and I, I think I'm saying this sentence for the first time, so I'm getting so excited, but I think that childlike curiosity is, as far as I'm concerned, the most respectful thing I can do when meeting somebody so I can help them define themselves, give them the opportunity to define themselves, and if they say it a little bit off, then continue. I am patient enough to like help you keep refining it. I'm just gonna stay curious. That's my goal. You tell me who you are and if you don't like it, great. More conversation. Right? Um, but when people are saying, oh, what you do, they wanna take one word, like horseback guide, leadership, development, anything like that, and they wanna draw a conclusion of your whole life. People want the simplicity and then that's why they feel so alone when they're like, but I'm a complex person, but everybody else is simple. How did we get so diluted that we could believe that?

Cha'Lea: 47:56

that Yeah. You know, Remy, it's interesting because I hear myself saying this to you, but I know that in this journey it has been hard at certain points For me, when I made a transition in my career and to show up to different events and to be able to fully settle into what I'm doing

Remmy: 48:18

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 48:18

and not into what I knew I've done before in the past that was familiar to me. It showed up in resistance to not wanting to go out to certain events and to do certain things. I still eventually would get to it, but I certainly would question myself and it would take some time to sit with myself and asking, what is it that I'm afraid of here? What do I think that's gonna mean about myself? And if it were true, then what do I think that means about my worth or my identity?

Remmy: 48:47

absolutely. And then it goes back to what matters to you. And then maybe that old version was so tied to, oh, my value comes from the fact that I have this title. But when you have to redefine that by default, you have to surrender part of your value to redefine that. And so

Cha'Lea: 49:05

so yeah,

Remmy: 49:06

again, you have, you have to say, by default, I am making myself less valuable to explore it in a different aspect. And some people might just say, okay, well you're not making the same amount of money, so I'm gonna peg you down in some sense. But we're not here to cater to like, oh, I want you to think about me a certain way. Right. My goal is to be curious and follow this desire, this message from the stars, because it's like it's eating me alive in this wonderful and terrible way where I can't not, you know?

Cha'Lea: 49:34

you know, and then ultimately, would I be able, when I get to the end of my rainbow, would I be able to make my 80 year old self proud to say that I want to live while I am here and I want to create while I am here. And that means reducing the amount of resistance that I feel in the work that I do and how I get to be of service in the work that I do. And using my experiences to further that and what I've learned and what I've created and what I want to create and what I see possible for others.

Remmy: 50:10

yeah. That. And as I'm learning this through these questions, um, even in the conversation that we were initially connecting through that curiosity of like asking the question like, am I, is my 80 year old self happy when people are in like a survival state? They can't be curious about these grand visions because they're like, I'm focusing on two weeks, man. This is, that's where I'm at. You know? And so when I'm like, gimme your five-year plan, and I'm looking them dead in the face because that's my normalcy, my curiosity when I say like, oh, my curiosity is the most respectful thing I can do. I'm like, it's an opportunity that I'm hoping to provoke of somebody. But then by my excitement of my vision, per se, of like, I think about five years ahead all the time, but then I accidentally make somebody feel insecure because they're like, man, I can't think that far. You know? And so, Of course, I'm not gonna be able to know like, oh, you look insecure. I'm gonna ask small questions. You know, I wanna go big initially. And then if it goes, if it's a little, I don't wanna say lifeless, um, you can always like backtrack a little bit. But again, it's, it's curiosity. It's, uh, every relationship is a playground of self-discovery. And when I set it up as a game, it's like we're playing, this isn't like a life or death situation where this conversation has to demand like, oh, I failed this conversation. I'm not gonna have a friend anymore. Or, you know, like, I can't go back to this social gathering in case I bump into this person. I mean, a bad impression, it's a playground. We're all just playing a game, you know, and I'm gonna say answers every now and then. Oh my God, I wish I said a little bit better than that. I'm the questions guy now. You know, like, I should have these banger answers all the time. Um, but yeah, to be able to slip up and be like, I'm redefining myself every single day and to know that conversations are a playground, oh, I wanna start over. Can we play again?

Cha'Lea: 52:06

Yes.

Remmy: 52:07

And so cool, let's play. Like what, how do you have the most courageous day of your life next? Anybody can play that game, right? And so like, change the scale of it.

Cha'Lea: 52:18

of it.

Remmy: 52:19

And so instead of having these grand vision plans is like, okay, well I can win the next hour, let's say, how can me and you get uncomfortable for the first time in a couple years or something? And, and that's, that

Cha'Lea: 52:30

that brings up like the essence again. Yeah. I'm ready to go with just hearing that question. I'm thinking, why can I do, I'm curious, how can you get uncomfortable today? What is something that would make you feel uncomfortable?

Remmy: 52:42

um, I planned to meet somebody for the first time as soon as this con, as this soon as this podcast is over.

Cha'Lea: 52:49

Oh, how fun. Hey, I know somebody who has some great questions that you can use

Remmy: 52:55

Hey,

Cha'Lea: 52:55

through the conversation.

Remmy: 52:58

I'll just get you to be like my hype man

Cha'Lea: 53:00

Yeah, yeah. Yes. You got this. Oh, this is gonna be fun. You have to be playful with it.

Remmy: 53:05

Yeah, but my capacity even earlier today was like, I'm doing a 10 hour labor day. It's so hot outside. If I just do this podcast, I win. But then I'm like, I know that the last question on this book is like, what's the next, what could be the next most courageous day of your life? Every other question builds up to this massive self sense of self knowing that you can take all of this information about yourself and create something. You can redefine all these questions, all it takes is the next most courageous day of your life. Tiny little step by step. And so I'm like, okay, I'm actually gonna have to be this person in integrity, say and do same thing. And so I went from being tired to like so jazzed, knowing here's the man that I'm saying I'm gonna be, and now I have to live it out. And so I like Presum that Earlier today I was like, I probably want my space after I have this conversation. That's the win for the day. I was like, Nope, I have way more energy than I'm saying. This is a temporary tiredness that is not defining the rest of my day. So in that constant state of like, okay, here's this opportunity. I know we haven't been talking super long, would you be open to watch a sunset tonight and just get in the chatting? And they said yes. I'm like, okay, let's go.

Cha'Lea: 54:14

You said that.

Remmy: 54:16

Yeah,

Cha'Lea: 54:17

and that's what it's all about. Those beautiful connections that we get to create regardless of where it goes is the fact that we get to express ourselves and connect with other beautiful people on this

Remmy: 54:26

exactly. Yeah. And that's it. That's the chapter. That's the present. It's serendipities. It's like, it's just a constant state of like no day is made the same. If I can just see that this day will bring something that's never happened before, just like meeting you. I'm just like throwing. I'm like, God, I hope this helps somebody out on TikTok. And then something profoundly affects you. You're like, I need to answer this. I need to say hello to this person. I'm like, oh, like the universe spoke back and now it's Shaleah and look at this cool conversation we're having. And then there's just like the momentum that we have and I'm like, we're still just skimming the surface.

Cha'Lea: 55:01

Yeah.

Remmy: 55:01

Ah,

Cha'Lea: 55:03

And then the, the ripple effect that it's gonna have with others who are listening to this episode,

Remmy: 55:10

yeah, it's, I think that's something we will never be able to properly quantify. because I've just been trying to do this digital diary thing, like after my gratitude book, published at like the end of 2020. I haven't missed a gratitude journal day in four and a half years. I've written 7,000 notes of individual gratitude. And so I'm like taking all these little self-reflection moments, and if I learn something, I'm like, that's what I'm basing all of my videos off of, is like, okay, here's a life lesson. Now, instead of me just thinking it, I want to articulate it in a fashion that I'm like, I think this is a universal experience. There's no way I'm alone in this, and just in case I am alone, Whoopi do, I still got out of my own fear of seeing myself on camera because I used to be so anxious about it. Um, and so I'm like, I'm getting over my fear. I hope I'm adding value and I'm just throwing into the universe. This is my gamble at the same time. And so like that's being a fully alive in that moment too, and it's helping me sharpen my ability to articulate at the same time. And then all of a sudden, three years go by and people are like, Hey man, we haven't talked in 10 years, but I've watched you for six months and you helped me get out of an abusive relationship. I'm like, whoa.

Cha'Lea: 56:21

You know,

Remmy: 56:22

You know, I'm saying things like in 32nd snippets at a time because I'm like, something, this sentence dropped a bomb on me. And so I'm like, it could help somebody else. But then I'm like, oh, now I just have this profound friendship. After a decade of not talking to somebody, I'm like, oh man. I'm so glad that me taking the time to get out of my own way and share something might actually mean somebody else feels a little bit better at the end of the day. And I'll even doubt myself. I have all of this proof and I've written it in hundreds of notes of gratitude, and I'll go back. I'm like, you profoundly affected that day just by thanking me. For doing this and like sending notes out there and quotes and stuff like that. It's like, okay, like we are interconnected. It is leaving a mark because a stupid little doubt muscle in here. It's kind of strong because I nurtured it for 20 something years. Right. And if I'm living this courageous life, I'm constantly like, the doubt muscle isn't getting smaller, it's still alive and well, let me tell you, you know, but that's the only way the courageous is possible. It's'cause I'm sping this sensation of me that

Cha'Lea: 57:23

that wants to play small. What does a winter season in life look like for you? Where nothing is happening, where there's no projects, there's no creating, it's just a calm, restful state, and you have to really just attune to resting, relaxing, and being with, without the next project.

Remmy: 57:45

We're both like because we're like, we don't like this season,

Cha'Lea: 57:49

no,

Remmy: 57:50

anything but winter. I think, ah, okay. Well this is fantastic information because my initial reaction is I'm not proud that my answer is not extensive in the sense of like, I know exactly how to calm down and, and put things away. That's, I'm not good at that in the sense of like, but man, if I put like another 20 minutes into this, then I'm 0.1% closer to a five-year goal, like these books and stuff, right? It's like, okay, I can think about it all day, but I know there's a difference of the magic that happens when I put myself in the chair, open up the laptop and start to channel something, and then that like 10 minute goal. I'm like, if I can sit down for 10 minutes, then I'm there for an hour and a half later. I'm like, like the magic is just waiting. I just need to position myself properly. But then it totally negates my priority to have a winter season and be like, you are allowed to rest. I very often find myself in the season of. Burnout because I'm like, but I can't, I, I say I have more. I have more. I have more. And that's a mentality that helps me not have guilt because I'm rearranging my dopamine complex because I messed up my own gratitude by saying I'm allowed to play a video game after I write. And so the reward was not attached to writing. It became a necessary evil between me and my gaming.

Cha'Lea: 59:17

Yes.

Remmy: 59:18

And so I was like, wow, like this. I'm not even, even though I'd be proud of my writing per se in that session, I'm attaching all of the joy to the aftermath.

Cha'Lea: 59:27

Yeah. So the outcome.

Remmy: 59:29

Yeah. And so when the outcome was the things that, it's like, I know I'm not super proud of this and the amount of time that I give it, it's my reward system. But when my reward system is now showing up to a story worthy life, it's way easier to drop these habits that I wasn't proud of because like the narrative is different instead of like just chasing the reward system. Um, Yeah, I will admit that I end up in burnout far more often than I would like to admit. And I think that would be a major thing alongside this new goal of like learning to play music and stuff, just to be in that moment and as soon as I hit like the lack of flow state, like, okay, your body is now saying you're out of the moment. You know the flow will come back when you're fully manifested your health and all these other aspects.

Cha'Lea: 1:00:18

Yes,

Remmy: 1:00:19

Yeah,

Cha'Lea: 1:00:20

aspects. I'm curious, what's been the most powerful question that you've ever been asked, and why did it have such an impact on you?

Remmy: 1:00:30

for sure. Because it was the pivotal moment between going from this, it started going from surprise into surrender because I was almost in like a subconscious state of like, life will bestow me a story. And then surrender is like, oh, I am actually the master crafter of this story and I am embarrassed of my own state of being. And I kept pinning it up to I'm not happy because God hasn't forgiven me for my lack of willpower and these things that I'm not proud of, like drinking or pornography and stuff like that. And so when the main person that connected me to all these other entrepreneurs and philanthropists that just shook my spiritual tree, everything, and I was expressing this spiritual guilt, well, I Said, uh, I don't think I'm where I wanna be'cause I'm waiting for God to forgive. me. And this woman Rachel said, are you open to considering that God has already forgiven you but you haven't forgiven yourself? And by the logic that God is a forgiving entity? I was like, the only way that that makes sense is that has to be factually true. I am absolutely the only thing in my way. And so the surrender story began and I am the only thing that's in my way. Because if I'm a spiritual person, I believe God, universe, whatever spiritual power whatsoever is a part of me, I can move forward courageously. That is the whole point of spirituality and moving in faith, I will be okay despite it.

Cha'Lea: 1:01:58

It,

Remmy: 1:01:59

Yeah,

Cha'Lea: 1:02:02

What's your approach when a question makes you uncomfortable?

Remmy: 1:02:07

I, I,

Cha'Lea: 1:02:09

And then thinking about how others, especially those who listen to your, your series on stimulating questions, how can we allow ourselves to navigate that situation so that we can get those gold nuggets?

Remmy: 1:02:24

yeah. You, you're just like watching my facial expressions being like, oh, blank void of so many things at once to be like, oh, revelation, now I have to say this. I have to admit it. Um, I wanted to be like, initially I'm like, I don't think I feel that way anymore.'cause I'm just excited that somebody just might be curious enough to wanna get to know me as like being. Somebody in like the very, I'll just say like the masculine energy. I feel myself navigating so many conversations, um, that very often I am the one, it's like, okay, like let's get a little bit deeper and stuff, right? Um,

Cha'Lea: 1:02:58

if

Remmy: 1:02:58

anybody freaks me out with a question, now I know it's because it might be revealing the point that I wanna lie. I wanna fabricate the details just a little bit, so I might be more proud of myself. And so when people are having a conversation like you and me right now, it's almost like tennis, like back forth, back forth, back forth. We have like a one or two second bracket before you people expect a reaction right before texting. It's like, I have all day for sending letters. I have a whole month to think about this. But in that thing, it's like I have a second to define who I am and then I accidentally sometimes fall into a stream of I'm exaggerating this story. And now even though I think I'm connecting, I respect myself less. And that's a very, very human experience. That I definitely am still in learning and I have so many friends in like the sobriety community that have now made a practice where they're like, stop themselves mid-conversation. I'm like, I'm sorry, that's just straight up dishonest. I want to be better. Please let me start over. And that's so scary, man, to in, I can't, there's two, two times I know for a fact I can count it two times in 27 years where people have said, I'm sorry I'm lying to you. I've caught myself. You know, people just like, even with best intentions, they'll be like, ah, it's just a white lie. It's just a tiny little fabricated detail. Right? But when the integrity is such a like, I just wanna win, I wanna respect myself. Somebody be like, I am stopping this story so I can respect myself still. It's like, oh, this is cool. You know? Now this story's interesting. It's, it holds way more value because this experience of self-discovery, this playground of this back and forth now holds a lot of weight. It's not just this subconscious like, oh, how is the weather and stuff. It's like I'm trying to build myself as a human being right now. And there's like these games going on in the background of like, maybe I want this person to feel this way about me. Maybe I want, if they respect me, maybe I will help fabricate my own self-respect, right? And so all these different games converging at once in that back and forth of the one or two seconds we have. And so to take a deep breath, just here's how I want to show up. Here's how I'm afraid to answer this question because initially like that, uh, that anxiety, because I have to reveal myself as somebody that I am or I am not. Am I willing to lie to you to sustain this version of you that I hope you think I am? Or am I more interested in you falling in love even as a friend, family, whatever, falling in love with my reality or your fantasy of who I hope you think I am. I think that if there I've ever ruined a relationship, it's because I've been hoping that they become the fantasy that I think of them rather than love them for who they are.

Cha'Lea: 1:05:48

yes,

Remmy: 1:05:48

But all my loneliness has derive from me wanting people to see me as like the ultimate big game, horseback guide, cancer, survive, and philanthropist, all these immaculate things. But then when I have these wonderful conversations with you, it's like I'm seen, I am hurt, I'm respected for messing up all the time. And I'm like, God, I can, I can share so much with this person, but like not in a, oh, I'm just gonna dump my crap on you. It's like I, I, I have this pureness in me that's trying to fall out, but I keep stumbling. And if I express a little bit to you, I am saying, I want to win this game. You could help me win this game just by saying, are you who you say you are? I'm like, it's because I'm offering to help you hold me accountable to my

Cha'Lea: 1:06:33

whole life, to what matters to me.

Remmy: 1:06:34

We made it full circle.

Cha'Lea: 1:06:36

Yes. Calling you into your highest self. Yeah.

Remmy: 1:06:38

Yes.

Cha'Lea: 1:06:39

Right. And into, into your essence. And that sometimes feels uncomfortable. It doesn't always feel good.

Remmy: 1:06:45

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 1:06:46

And being able to have a relationship with that because we tend to think that sometimes what is good for us will feel good for us, and that's not always the case. Even with some questions that can be uncomfortable because of the depth of where they go, well, they may make us feel uncomfortable. That does not, then by nature mean that they are not good for us. I was thinking as you were talking about when we are not able to share the rawness of who we are as humans, when we are connecting and sharing our stories with one another, we really cheat ourselves out on the opportunity to experience humanity in the best ways possible.

Remmy: 1:07:22

yes,

Cha'Lea: 1:07:22

And because when you show your humanity, you get to experience what we came here to experience each other and the feelings of that. And so it allows someone else to open that door to their humanity for. You to share in that experience and or gives you the opportunity to realize if this person doesn't accept you for the rawness of your humanity, perhaps this is that signaling for you that this is not someone that you want to have or invest your energy and time into,

Remmy: 1:07:54

Yeah, that's like full circle on like the beginning part as well. It's like if I'm too afraid to even enter this conversation, I'm blocking off a whole aspect of my human experience. And some people, like you and I, let's say we're hyper receptive to, like, I know you have something to share with me. We might talk for three hours, but if you gimme one sentence that shakes my tree, you gave me days and weeks and months worth of spiritual content, let's say. Right? And so then it's like, again, Chile note, 7,104 on this date. I'll, I'll, I'll text you six months from now. Thank you so much for sharing the space with me. You helped start a conversation based off of my questions and you asked me some that shook my tree. Thank you. Endlessly. Right? And so I, I just refuse to be limited in my human experience and that will exclusively come through, uh, maybe not exclusively, but through navigating conversations that crack open up perspective mentally, spiritually, emotionally, that hasn't been touched yet. Right. And then you are forever a part of my story of like, I am a new part of myself. Thanks to A simple

Cha'Lea: 1:09:01

simple conversation Yes. with friend. with the TikTok friend. It's a small world. It feels like a big world out there.

Remmy: 1:09:09

No doubt.

Cha'Lea: 1:09:10

that you still can connect with people in that kind of regard.,and on the basis of something so magical and the adventure of what it is

Remmy: 1:09:17

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 1:09:18

beings.

Remmy: 1:09:19

And for you to have such a like, rock solid, I am helping people live bigger than their title. I'm like down. You said like two sentences. There's so much power in that, because I know to actually break into that, we're 10 hours plus of content, you know, because we're gonna meet parts of each other that provoke, you know, if I gave you goosebumps, like wow, you know, a tiny little bit of story just like cracked into not just your mind, but your body. That's crazy.

Cha'Lea: 1:09:48

Yes.

Remmy: 1:09:48

You know, like we think, oh, we can pass by, and it's like, I can eat, uh, this apple, or I can get away with these things that, um, you know, I lose my self respect for what's the, what's the price of this one little moment? And it's like, man, it means everything. It's a whole story, right? Even these conversations, it is taking up the precious time that is very limited. But when we get to be like, I am celebrating every single moment as this conscious expression of who I want to be.

Cha'Lea: 1:10:16

Yeah.

Remmy: 1:10:17

Yeah. I'm, I'm defining that in every single moment. And that'll be conversations. I'm bigger than the title that people wanna dummy down into. They just wanna have a better conversation. They can see that part of me. I wanna see that

Cha'Lea: 1:10:28

see that part. So, Rumi, as we get close to wrapping up the episode, let's play what's

Remmy: 1:10:34

Let's play, did you ask your sons for those numbers?

Cha'Lea: 1:10:38

I did.

Remmy: 1:10:39

Oh, that's amazing. Okay. It's so crazy

Cha'Lea: 1:10:42

so crazy that

Remmy: 1:10:44

you said three and 76. Correct.

Cha'Lea: 1:10:47

yes,

Remmy: 1:10:48

I, it's been my favorite conversation, which so happened to be number 76. I was like, this is my favorite one. I need to throw it in there somewhere because I don't wanna make it number one because I'm so biased to that. And then 76 happened to be my favorite question. That's ridiculous.

Cha'Lea: 1:11:04

That is so funny. So,

Remmy: 1:11:06

And so it's because it's a unique to everybody's story. It's a fingerprint of a story. But number 76 is what is the most afraid you've ever been?

Cha'Lea: 1:11:16

oh. Goodness. That's a great question. So many things. Oh, you know, it's afraid in the sense of questioning who we are and why we're here has been one of my, my biggest fears to have to explore. And that was in the time in which my grandmother passed away. And I realized the fragility of life then you have to reckon with the why's. Why did it have to be that way? Then it throws you on this spiritual war zone of questioning so many aspects of yourself and life and being fearful to some extent, that you are this little.in, the vastness of nothingness. We are more than what we came here, and that this journey is for us to create. And I've always been so connected to that essence, even without fully understanding. But that was the first time in my life that I had to come face to face with the fear of not just my own existence, but that in which of the people that I love and that I protect and that create in this lifetime with.

Remmy: 1:12:30

Yes. Oh my goodness. Yeah, that, um, so in that moment of fear though, was it, how long was it, would you say that you had this aspect of fear that now

Cha'Lea: 1:12:42

now created

Remmy: 1:12:43

wonderful perspective that you have?

Cha'Lea: 1:12:44

Yeah, it was short. It was almost a subconscious thought that came into presence for a small timeframe I had to reckon that this anger was so strong because of what I didn't understand. My fear of not understanding the unknown, my fear of the reality of how life can turn over so quickly. But in that, Through that anger and discovering that fear was connected to that emotion what I had to do is dive deeper into that experience and it threw me into spirituality even further down the line, and really coming into presence with every moment that we have here today, knowing that tomorrow is not guaranteed and we don't know what can happen in five years from now, but I know that I have today, and today when I walk up the stairs, I can experience life today when I have dinner, I can experience life in the most fruitful of ways and and to challenge myself, to be in alignment with the people that I love and how I show up in the world, because that's all that I have is my presence today.

Remmy: 1:13:55

You said this was your grandma grandmother, right? Oh my goodness. Like I just imagine being in that position and knowing, we'll never know the aftermath of what happens after we're gone. But to know even you are affected in such a profound way where it's like, I will be here in this moment with my sons having dinner,

Cha'Lea: 1:14:13

Yeah.

Remmy: 1:14:13

and that's a message coming from her life. That's such a win. That is such a win of a life.

Cha'Lea: 1:14:18

It's,

Remmy: 1:14:20

That's wonderful.

Cha'Lea: 1:14:23

but this morning our cat also brought in, um, a hamster, one of those little things that run around outside, I

Remmy: 1:14:28

let's go. That's being present too. That's, uh, those moments though, again, that bestows upon you. It's like nothing matters, but. Being terrified of this hamster, the smiles, whatever.

Cha'Lea: 1:14:40

Yes,

Remmy: 1:14:42

yes, That is so good. Unreal.

Cha'Lea: 1:14:46

yes,

Remmy: 1:14:46

I I got answer too though, eh?

Cha'Lea: 1:14:48

yes.

Remmy: 1:14:49

Okay. So I, I am so biased that it is my favorite question because I've used it as a networking opportunity. Were people like, whoa,

Cha'Lea: 1:14:57

So you have practice in this one?

Remmy: 1:14:59

absolutely like you literally said 76 and my jaw dropped when I was like, I literally tried to avoid this question. Yeah, so I'm gonna give it the Cliff Notes version because it is ex extended in my gratitude book. But my moment that I was most afraid for sure was season two of guiding up North Day 67 when my brother, we promised to never split up and. He says, I'm gonna take the hunter. I'm gonna go down the valley for three days. I'll be back in three days, I promise. And that was my first break in 67 days. I said, go ahead, have a wonderful time. And so that was my first time truly being alone in the wilderness essentially. And I was just sitting there eating caribou steaks, having a baller time, just, uh, reading Game of Thrones with six horses behind me in a semicircle. And my brother's gone with eight and day two of three, this grizzly comes from a hundred yards away and it casually walks right up to the other side of the river and stands up on its hind legs and is smelling my caribou steaks that I'm eating right in front of it. And so I know this is a do or die moment where I'm like, okay, I don't wanna kill something I don't have to. Bears are protected. I respect its life. Most 95% of bears are good, like they will walk away, but I'm still there with my shotgun shell ready, like. Do something screaming, like do something knowing I have the upper hand. If it charges me, I have 25 feet of river between me and this bear. If it comes to that. And as I'm screaming at this bear, I remember it looking over my head in a semicircle, and my horses are looking back at it doesn't look me in the eyes once as I'm screaming at it and it gets back on four legs and walks off. I'm like, that's way scarier than it just looking at me. It was so not concerned with me. And so I'm like, okay, I know it's coming back in the middle of the night for my food. It knows something's great here and I have to let my horses go. And so the Cliff Notes version of this being I was really alone for the first time and I was waiting for this grizzly to come back. And as I'm waiting for this grizzly, I fell asleep with a headlamp on my head and I thought I was having a nightmare when I finally fell asleep at 2:00 AM and I heard wve howling all around me. Not howling, but yapping like excited. And so, okay, just, just a nightmare. Closed my eyes, but it was so loud, it was screeching in my ears and I'm like, they're circling me. And so I'm prepared for this bear. I open up my tent headlight on three sets of eyes to my left, two sets of eyes to my right, more behind me. I only have four bullets, and so I just have this moment of like pure exasperation where like absolute clarity. I just, wow. Just like howl fire shot to the air. Everything goes dead quiet. Eyes just like bat out from the light. I had everything set up to make this bonfire and so I'm hugging this fire like frantically looking for eyes in the night and I'm like, Ben is never gonna believe this. My brother's never gonna believe this. And so as I'm going to wrangle my horses that morning, instead of following horse tracks, I was following wolf tracks on top of them. I. And my horses got harassed. They didn't get hurt, but they were mad. I was like, me too. Ben's coming back today. He's never gonna believe this. And so I'm waiting. Anxiously all day, can't sit still. I'm like, there's the track, everything to prove it. This is nuts. And then my brother does not come back for five more days. And so all I had in the whole world was his promise that he's coming back. And so I'm thinking he's dead hurt hunter's dead or hurt. And every way around it, I was pinned down. I couldn't take all the horses and pick up camp. All these animals wanted my food. I had to hold down the fort. And so I was having this spiritual moment of like what could justify this stress? And I realized the only thing I can do. In that time, I had a Game of Thrones book that I carried 600 kilometers, 300 miles by horseback to have something to relax to. And I had the epiphany, what if I had the audacity to write something that I could give 10% to kids cancer care? And that moment birthed what became my authorship. Not that I was a writer or a nerd. Of any capacity with books prior to it was like, I see something of value that can touch the whole world. And this moment out of pure terror worrying that my brother was dead, I, I started writing down the ideas for my first fantasy book. I was like, maybe I could do something that could change the world, even if it's a tiny little fragment. If I do die out here, I can leave something behind that makes a difference. When I was gone, and that was the birth of like, my entrepreneurial story. And so it was five days later, my brother came back and he had a world record book Caribou. It was like number a hundred and something, but he was all smiles and swag. I'm like, I don't care.

Cha'Lea: 1:19:43

don't care. Wow.

Remmy: 1:19:47

I was like, I was so, it's like, you know, I was like, I'm so stressed out, man. It's like, I don't care about that. But uh, yeah. So that always ends up like creating a whirlwind of different conversations, right? There's so many elements to that story. And so that was the master crafted question. What's the most afraid you've ever been? And yeah. Everybody has a unique story and they don't tap into that.'cause it's kind of safe to say, I'm not afraid right now, but I was then. Right. And so it starts the momentum of a little bit more vulnerable conversation.

Cha'Lea: 1:20:16

momentum. Yeah, it does. I'm curious, what is something that feels like you're being surrounded by bears and coyotes that isn't that that happens in your everyday life today, within the past 30 days that made you feel fearful, if anything at all.

Remmy: 1:20:37

playing piano right now. As soon as you came on. Ooh. Hands up. And I, I, I quit touching it. Right? And so I'm like, now I could consciously like start putting my hands on it, but it's still like I have to take such a cognitive effort to slow down and just like take the shake outta my hands. Right? That's absolutely it. And so going from, oh, big, uh, Horse. Big, big game horse, big game, horseback guiding man to is afraid of singing, has weird fears, you know? It's like, oh, you should be bigger than that. People were making these assumptions that I'm a courageous person, but I had these fears and it made me feel even smaller. Right? And so them celebrating a certain part of like, who they assume I'm to be a courageous person, my fears became even bigger because I'm like, I'm gonna let them down if I'm not a courageous person all the time. And so that was another aspect of like, just, man, I hope people just see me for who I am and just are cool with that, you know?

Cha'Lea: 1:21:35

yeah.

Remmy: 1:21:36

Yeah.

Cha'Lea: 1:21:37

But you are a courageous person in honoring the parts of you that do feel human. That in itself

Remmy: 1:21:46

It, it takes a couple years for sure. Yeah. And it's a everyday thing. It's never like you arrive to a moment, you're like, I'm just a courageous person now. It's like, no. If you arrive to a genuinely courageous opportunity, the fear is fresh all over again. It's the whole point of being an imposter. I am posing as somebody who knows what they're doing in this situation. That's the whole point of the, the story beginning. Oh, a new chapter. That's the definition of a new chapter is I'm posing as something I'm not.

Cha'Lea: 1:22:17

I love

Remmy: 1:22:17

Okay. We gotta, okay. We can send this home with the last question though, because it wraps everything up wonderfully. So number three. Number three was what promises have you made to yourself and others right now in the season of your life? So this is gonna bring our integrity right back to the

Cha'Lea: 1:22:34

to,

Remmy: 1:22:34

center.

Cha'Lea: 1:22:35

yeah. So I think for me, it's been calling in my divine presence when I am doubting, showing up. So speaking into one of the fears, I don't quite enjoy being on camera. I don't enjoy public facing much, and so I'm challenging myself on that notion and where that comes from and why, and making sure that when I do show up, that I'm connected to my intention and grounding myself in that bigger picture so that I can continue to do the work that I envision doing.

Remmy: 1:23:11

Yeah, that's, see, will you say that? I say it too. I'm like, I'm afraid of being here in this moment. And then people are like, it's so effortless. No, it's not.

Cha'Lea: 1:23:20

No, it's not, It's not. No, not especially not. When you've lived, some chapters called surprise and Surrender

Remmy: 1:23:29

Yeah. And

Cha'Lea: 1:23:31

in you.

Remmy: 1:23:32

so it's a conscious effort to live in the serendipity season. But I'm still living the surrender chapter every day. It's my, it's my humbling factor because if I act like I'm done surrendering, I will fall apart all over again.

Cha'Lea: 1:23:46

absolutely. Being an evolved person takes so much conscious effort. Not only does it take conscious effort to remind yourself that you have to show up but to also allow the other parts of you to integrate that have lived other experiences beyond what you are creating

Remmy: 1:24:04

Yeah,

Cha'Lea: 1:24:05

coming chapters.

Remmy: 1:24:06

no doubt. Ah, yes, yes. All day.

Cha'Lea: 1:24:11

So we're gonna have to have a part two. I'd love to have another conversation with you and do follow up. But as we wrap up the show, we'd love to have our guest experts leave our audience with a challenge. And in your case, I want you to think about one question out of all the questions that you have explored with Explored that could help our audience connect to their essence.

Remmy: 1:24:34

Uh, I think the grounding question that will bring you the most opportunity at every single point, no matter where you are, is how can I make this the next most courageous day of my life? It will change your eyesight to look at opportunity everywhere, even if it's as childish as saying hello, going and kicking a ball around with somebody, and just like entering any state of not normalcy, and then it's gonna be extra freaky because you'll know how much fear is surrounding you all the time. I'm afraid of all of these things. You're like, okay, here's also an opportunity in every

Cha'Lea: 1:25:12

every single

Remmy: 1:25:13

I look.

Cha'Lea: 1:25:15

time. So as others are looking to create connection, not just with themselves but with others, can you tell them more about your book that's coming out and where they can find it? And I placed my pre-order this morning, so I'm excited.

Remmy: 1:25:28

you're a sweetheart. Thank you so much. Uh, yeah, compass of connection, 100 questions for introspection and deeper relationships. It's on pre-order right now. It will be out June 15th. Um, so yeah, I'm so close to being done, and if it that's the case, I can get it out even sooner. It's on Amazon everywhere. It will be exclusively ebook as of right now. Um, but if it becomes something of more grandeur, then it could be potentially in a hardback as well.

Cha'Lea: 1:25:57

As an explorer of all things introspection and self-discovery and growth, I have to say, for those who are listening, Remy has done such an amazing job with bringing soul into his questions to really help people connect to their adventure. And I'm so excited for you guys to experience what we've been able to experience following his series on stimulating questions and how can people get in contact with you?

Remmy: 1:26:27

Yeah. Uh, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Remy, stork, across the board for everything. And I would be so honored if people do reach out, share that they have any breakthroughs, curiosities the opportunity to have an individualized, like, I am invested in your growth. Please let me have that because I'm still in a season of my life to share that space. And then if, man, if we have an opportunity to create a relationship like Shaleah and I, it happens in a few back and forth messages. So take the chance That could be the next most courageous day of your life is saying hi to some stranger on TikTok. That's literally how this happened.

Cha'Lea: 1:27:01

this happened, being a human. Yeah. I

Remmy: 1:27:07

But thank you so much. I'm so honored to share this space with you. I hope we have more opportunities to do this. But yeah, you've been a total blessing in my life. I brag about you all the time since I met you.

Cha'Lea: 1:27:17

oh, thank you. That means a lot to me. Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it. And we're gonna have to think of some more ideas. I'm sure we're not gonna have trouble doing that, but I'd love to have you back on for the next round and best of luck and you don't need it. But best of luck in your adventure and in your meeting. I'm, I'm so excited to hear how it

Remmy: 1:27:36

no doubt. Okay, so much love.

Cha'Lea: 1:27:39

To our listeners, the ball is in your court. I challenge you to take action, dive deeper into the conversations that will call you into your alignment with your most authentic self. Stay curious. Stay brave and above all, stay true to yourself. We'll see you on our next episode. Thank you again, Remi.

Remmy: 1:27:55

Let's go. Thank you so much.